By Maddie Possamai, Summer 2023 Collaborator at Power in Place
Image by: Lilli Carré / New York Times
Parentification occurs when the eldest child assumes caregiving responsibilities within the family. This can include caring for their siblings as a “third parent,” or an abundance of unequally distributed housework. This process is primarily found in firstborn daughters. The eldest daughters often fall victim to this role reversal due to traditional gender roles and societal expectations. Parentification is often regarded as a negative outlook. Although many negative effects may come from this such as suppressed needs, people-pleasing and anxiety, being the eldest daughter also comes with heightened leadership and emotional skills along with a well-developed sense of independence.
The causes of parentification have been studied by psychologists today. Doctor Sabrina Romanoff states that the main causes of parentification of children include emotional immaturity from parents, overwhelming responsibilities and lack of support. However, girls between the ages of five and fourteen years old spend 40 percent more time on domestic work such as cleaning or taking care of siblings than young boys of that same age. The societal expectation of girls and young women to do domestic work and take on a so-called “parent” role is prominent in household functions. The installment of gendered roles is due to the parent's understanding of domestic work being “traditionally feminine” thus subconsciously assigning the eldest daughter such work. Working mothers may also subconsciously cause parentification on the oldest daughter due to being busy with work and having to provide for the family, leaving the eldest daughter to do domestic work at home. This causes the eldest daughters to pick up the domestic work that the mother was not able to get to.
In certain circumstances, young women who assume caregiving responsibilities may be stricken with negative effects. A common effect of parentification includes suppressed needs as young women learn that their needs and emotions are an inconvenience as they are eager to please their parents. This leads to another effect of people pleasing. Many eldest daughters who are victims of parentification tend to be people pleasers which is due to the suppressed needs that young women face as they take on more caregiving roles and nurturing responsibilities. Due to the fact that eldest daughters who have experienced parentification assume caregiving and parental roles, they lose time for their own emotions. Eldest daughters are taught that their own emotions are inconvenient therefore causing a loss of self in order to maintain relationships with their parental figures while simultaneously doing domestic work. As a result of parentification, eldest daughters may also be diagnosed with anxiety. A study showed that firstborn daughters have more anxiety than other siblings which is a result of the intense workload that comes from the process of parentification. Due to the expectations that the firstborn daughter has to be the second or the third caretaker of their siblings and other domestic work, the eldest daughters take on adult stressors and anxieties at a young age and into adulthood.
Although many negative effects arise from the parentification of eldest daughters, being the firstborn daughter also comes with its perks. One of the strengths of being the eldest daughter is extremely high emotional intelligence. Even though this is due to having their needs suppressed, eldest daughters tend to have the ability to be extremely empathic and feel the emotions of others. Eldest daughters who have experienced parentification are shown to have a heightened sense of compassion which is also the result of taking care of their siblings. Eldest daughters who have taken on the responsibilities of taking care of their siblings are able to cultivate a deeper understanding of others’ needs and emotions. Another strength of being the firstborn is that eldest daughters have heightened leadership skills. Due to assuming parental responsibilities, eldest daughters become more responsible and organized in completing household tasks, therefore, nurturing leadership skills. Leadership skills not only include being responsible and organized, but also communication and problem solving which are learned and developed through parentification. These traits can translate into professional and academic success. Eldest children are sixteen percent more likely to succeed academically than younger siblings and eldest daughters are 4 percent more likely to succeed than eldest sons.
Prime examples of successful firstborn daughters are Kamala Harris and Hilary Clinton. Harris and Clinton exemplify excellent leadership abilities and high emotional intelligence such as empathy in a sense that is unique to their birth order. Both Clinton and Harris have been many “firsts” for women in politics and continue to lead with grace and empathy. Other successful, eldest daughters include Beyonce and Oprah Winfrey. Author Lisette Schuitemaker wrote a book in 2016 called “The Eldest Daughter Effect,” published in 2016 after Hilary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, and Beyonce were incredibly high on the Forbes list of the world's most powerful women. It analyzes the question of what these women have in common. Schuitemaker’s answer? They are all eldest daughters.
References
[1] Gifford, Bonnie. “What is parentification, who does it affect, and is it always bad?” Happiful. February 15, 2023. https://happiful.com/what-is-parentification
[2] Gupta, Sanjana. “What is Parentification?” Verywellmind. January 5, 2023. https://www.verywellmind.com/parentification-types-causes-and-effects-7090611
[3] Hu, Yang. “What is 'eldest daughter syndrome' and how can we fix it?” Brainstorm. April 17, 2023. https://www.rte.ie/brainstorm/2023/0417/1377341-eldest-daughter-syndrome-siblings-parents-family/#:~:text=Mirroring%20the%20gender%20divide%20among,the%20burden%20among%20her%20siblings.
[4] “How people-pleasing develops in young children? Signs to spot and what parents should do to avoid it.” The Times of India. August 13, 2022. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/parenting/moments/how-people-pleasing-develops-in-young-children-signs-to-spot-and-what-parents-should-do-to-avoid-it/photostory/93525161.cms?from=mdr#:~:text=Nicole%20LePera%2C%20a%20psychologist%20and,relationship%20with%20the%20parent%20figure.%22
[5] Wood, Karly. “Study Says Eldest Daughters Have More Anxiety than Siblings, Surprising No One.” Tinybeans. August 31, 2022. https://tinybeans.com/first-born-children-anxiety/
Maddie Possamai is a rising junior at Wheaton College in Massachusetts majoring in Political Science with minors in Journalism and Visual Arts. At Wheaton College she is currently working on creating a Commuters Organization on campus to advocate for more benefits for commuter students. After graduating college, Maddie hopes to work in Political Journalism.